Weird picture choice, I know. But this is what I miss the most!
College is a very new experience for me. It makes me feel very little. It makes me really want to go home and live in my parents basement for the rest of my life. It makes me want a hug from my mommy. It makes me realize how many friends I have- that would be zero....in Cedar. It makes me realize how socially awkward I am. It makes me feel so dumb for being so scared. It makes me realize how lucky I have been my entire life. It makes me so glad that I have the best family ever. It makes me so happy that my sisters are my best friends and they already know me, so I don't have to tell them what my major is, or why i'm crying. It makes me so grateful for the gospel, and the peace that the Lord has really been trying to put into my heart...i tend to push it away with my worry panic attacks. It makes me think about all of the times I have been a complete brat to my mom, and how much i wish she were here right now. It makes me wish that I wouldn't have thought I was too good for Dixie State. It makes me cry....a lot. A lot of crying...and my roommate just looks at me and uncomfortably walks out of the room. I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to be in the same room with a crazy pants that cries twenty four seven cause she doesn't know how to make friends and she just wants her mommy. But I do. And I don't know how to fix it...my cheeks are actually getting raw from all of the tear wiping. Its like everything i've ever known has just disappeared. And I know that my family is still there and still loves me and they always will. But that doesn't make it any easier for me to walk around campus by myself and not know anyone. Its a very strange feeling. I'm a very strange person though so I guess it works. Pretty much what I'm saying is that I really wish that I could be permanently seventeen. At my house with my family, not having to work, or try to make friends, just not being alone. Watching an episode of Bones with my dad that we've both seen fourteen times but I still forget who the killer is. Reruns just aren't the same when you're alone.
That was the saddest blog with humor ever. Ohhhh little poopie I love you so much. You are going to be just fine, it will get easier and it will get better. I really think that eventually you will love it. You are so beautiful that it intimidates other girls who would normally befriend you ha. You are so smart and wonderful and we do have the BEST fam and it is SO awesome to have sister best friends. We're still BF's. I think its very wise and "grown up" of you to turn to the Lord for help! Good job little scooper. You are so growing up already. My living room is always available for you to visit. I have food and an awesome neglected TV and lots of happy Yellow colors to cheer you up! Your awesome. Keep trying and it will get easier! LOVE YOU TO THE CORE!
ReplyDeleteI don't know what I can say that Kristi didn't already cover, but I was laughing and wanting to cry while reading this haha! I totally know your paing though, the second or third week that I was there I had a complete and udder melt down where I went behind the maintence building(behind eccles C) and I cried to my mom for three hours straight about how I didn't have any friends and everything sucked and how I wanted to go home so bad and I didn't know how to do anything on my own. and then the next week I really wanted to just bawl all the time because everything still sucked so bad. I seriously hated the first month of school I didn't like my roommates or anything. Then after that though just becoming a little more involved made it so much easier! Like going to institute and then playing volleyball on the court with random people who were playing made it so much easier! Also my roommates and I ended up being best friends. So while it might take some time I'm sure things will be okay and you'll make friends and have the time of your life! Your so cute and funny who wouldn't want to hang out with you? Also I'm going down to visit my old roomies in like a month so I'll come visit ya! Love ya! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI love you!!!!!! Wish I could have taken you to Miami with me you need a little break yourself! Hang in there! See you soon...ish. Call me if you need anything.
ReplyDeleteMy dear little poopie, it will get easier, then it will get more fun, then you will love it. Baby steps! Remember, you have received everything you prayed for: full scholarship, nice apartment, nice roomate, and now a good job. You are being watched over. Be sure to thank him for all that you have received and ask for comfort as you go forth. You will grow so much this year, even in ways that you don't know you need to grow in. You really wouldn't want to live in your parents basement for the rest of your life. I love you. I pray for you daily and I am proud of you hanging in there. GO JESS, (with a high kick). ha
ReplyDeletehaha thanks mommy! You are amazing...thanks for all your help!
ReplyDeleteThose are better advice and pick-me-ups than I could ever give.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part, "...so I don't have to answer what my major is or why I'm crying." You are sooooo (imagine a million 'o's) cute! I don't even know what to say, other than you are not weird...lots of people feel this way. They just 'deal with it' other ways. Crying is really healthy, for awhile. Peace will start pushing it's way into your heart soon. *that's an oxy-moron...peace pushing?* Then you'll start seeing the world around you through wiser eyes...it's already started. With wisdom comes peace (eventually), and with peace comes happiness.
Who am I kiddin!!!? I wish I were 17 too!! forever!!! Wahhhahhhh...