Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Dirty Laundry

For some reason summer means that I go over two weeks without doing my laundry. I just let it pile up and pile up, which is nice because by the time half of my wardrobe is in my hamper I finally have enough hangers for all my clothes, but is not so nice on days like today. My only inspiration to do laundry is when i run out of clean panties. Usually I can time it pretty well and I don't actually run out. Today was a close call. The only pair I had left were those cheeky kind, you know the ones that are straight in the back so your bummy kind of hangs out the bottom. I would never intentionally buy this type of undergarment. My butt is way too big to need to hang out the bottom of my panties on purpose, but my best friend gave them to me for christmas in high school and obviously they haven't gotten a ton of action so I kept them longer than the average pair of underwear. So i wear my cheeky panties to school and the instant I get out of my car I have the biggest weggie in the entire world. Like i was worried my panties were going to come out the top of my pants it was so bad. And I'm walking around campus and all I can think is.... I've got a weggie, I've got a weggie, I've got a weggie hey hey hey hey ( you know, alph alpha style). Which means I am walking around by myself laughing at the thoughts in my head and people are looking at me funny, and I don't know if it's because they can tell I have a weggie or if they just think I am a crazy schizophrenic that laughs at nothing while they aimlessly roam around. Either way it makes for an uncomfortable day. Next time I am really going to try and do my laundry before i run out of panties. But lets be honest, weggie undies are better than no undies at all!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

My Right to Complain

I currently have the Mount Kilaminjaro of cold soars exploding from my face. I seriously didn't think my poor lip could expand to this capacity. The rest of my mouth seriously can't keep up with this extent of swelling, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to develop like nineteen more cold soars because the skin can't stretch any further and its going to break and turn into another pus filled crusty bowl of crap that makes me not want to show my face in public. And because of this disgusting facial feature I feel like I have the right to complain....

-We go to the store to buy the freakin twenty dollar Abreva for this stupid cold soar and Lins is out! So we drive to Walgreens and they are closed! I thought Walgreens was the 24 hr pharmacy? Apparantly not! So we wound up at Albertsons, my least favorite store because I always see people from high school, which is exactly what I don't want when I have a diseased face and I'm buying drugs!
-The pills to heal this cold soar are even bigger than my cold soar, it's a miracle they fit in my mouth. I have anxiety every time i try to swollow them, if that didn't go down, my airway would certainly be blocked, restricting my breathing and decreasing oxygen to my brain so not only will I have a cold soar, I will also have brain damage.
-There isn't a back door to the Library on campus, so I have to walk my ugly face all the way around the building to get in and then go all the way through to the study tables at the back of the freakin libraray! And of course I get ambushed with a "hey you in the dress" by some other creeper who apparantly remembers me from biology and wants to hang out with me, even though I was still taller than him and I was two steps down and I have a mountain growing out of my lip. I did not have very good luck with the other creepers from my biology class. I feel like that is a really bad idea!
-My air conditioner is stuck on feet, which means that my face gets 900 degrees in the middle of the day and i am sweating and red and my bangs are stuck to my head every time I get out of the car, but I can't walk because my feet are numb and my poor little bad circulation toes are completely frozen!

When this disease falls of my face i will balance my pessimism with an incredibly upbeat blog about how much I love summer....dont worry!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Woman of the Year 1974

Ton ta ton ta ton!
I couldn't find the actual striped sweater on the rock picture but i felt that this adequately expressed my feelings.

Happy Mothers Day to the best mom in the entire world. She is the funniest, nicest, most beautiful, kind, tiny, energetic, giving, generous, happy person ever. I can't believe someone as nice and wonderful as her actually exists. She is the best mom in the whole wide world. She does everything for her kids and grandkids and doesn't think twice about it. I am so grateful to have her!

Top 5 Reasons why Yoli is Awesome:
1. She received excellent scores in the swimming suit contest of Miss Iron County- excellent body.
2. As a member of the elite (only six members) cheer squad at Cedar High, she kissed all of the football captains.
3. She is the definition of hep to the jive.
4. She is an amazing aerobicizer -Master of the Step Touch.
5. She likes to exfolate her atne with a tawl and then use her permIT to get into the CAfe.
(capital letters used for emphasis on the wrong syllable)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Oh please let it end!

finals week = worse than waking up at 5 in the morning for clinicals

I have never before had so bad of a case of summeritis. Maybe it is because I am the queen of self-diagnosis now, I'm not sure, but I honestly haven't listened to a word coming out of my teachers mouths for the last three weeks. In class, boring boring four hour long class, I sit next to the most ADHD child in all the world. Together we look at facebook and youtube snowboarding videos and google the most attractive way to wear a polo. We discuss what I should wear to various events and he tells me why he has yet to find a wife even though he listens to the prophet. When he falls asleep, i doodle all over my "notes" hearts and squiggles and flowers and stars. When that fails to entertain me I look, I look out the window, which is all the way behind me, and watch for bunnies and hikers on the mountain. Occasionally I stare at some of my other classmates until they look at me. Oh the joys of being a slacker.

At home when I need to be studying, I....
1. Watch Wildfire on netflix. I seriously can't stop myself. I love Junior so much I might die. Best teen drama soap opera ever!
2. Eat easter candy.
3. Practice my violin. Well, at least that one is productive.
4. Eat other unhealthy things.
5. Read the Reader's Digest. Because I am an eighty year old man. There was actually a very interesting article about this lady that works in a company that charges college students to write their essays for them. Like she just googles and bull craps seventy five page research papers for $2,000! What is this world coming to?
6. Paint my nails. Usually while watching Wildfire.
7. Get frozen treats (mini blizzard) with Em and her children.
8. Lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling.
9. Meander aimlessly on the internet.
10. Look at my books and pretend to be studying but singing Taylor Swift songs in my head instead of actually comprehending what I am reading.

The first picture that came up when I google imaged finals. Haha and I just couldn't resist sharing those joyful faces with the world :)

The life of a productive nursing student!

Friday, April 1, 2011

In my old age...

I am coming to the conclusion of my teenage years. Weird i know. In my head i am still approximately fifteen reliving my sophomore year of high school, when all the senior boys were this beautiful intangible mystery and somehow they all appreciated the freshness of my meat. Well although I feel like those days are long gone, I now go to school with a wonderful group of people that are married with children, and they make me feel like a tiny little idiot. So contrary to what my classmates have to say, I am full of wisdom and maturity, as evidence by....

The love of reading.

Well, not exactly a love, or desire, more like an internal need to read and read and read, and not so much for enjoyment, but so I don't fail tests. And while the need to read doesn't actually show wisdom, the knowledge that I gain turns into wisdom, and prioritization of reading my textbooks, rather than say.... do anything else, shows some serious maturity.

Modest Swimwear!

With maturity comes modesty. I am now the proud owner of two one piece swimming suits and one adorable tankini (pictured above), that is named after me. The Jessica Tankini, like it was fate that I take this step into my future by not baring my midrif. Now that is a mature decision.

Other things that classify me as old and mature..
1. I have now been in the relief society presidency for two semesters in a row. It doesn't get older or more straight arrow than relief society.
2. I actually attempted (but failed) to do my visiting teaching. When you picture a visiting teacher, you do not picture a young immature little lady.
3. I love sweet potatoes and asparagus, yes those are vegetables. That is maturity in it's finest.
4. And finally, in approximately three months and three days, I will no longer be a teen! That means that I am a for real grown up....right?

Monday, February 14, 2011

No lusting in sacrament!

The singles ward.
Infamous in the mormon community as a mating ground for the very young members of society who have yet to find their knight in shining armour to multiply and replenish the earth with. The girls put on their very best outfits and most ravishing styles to attract the good looking ones. The spiritually strong that are lacking in the looks department seek to woo their partners with vast vocabularies as they bare their testimonies every fast sunday. They are all hunting in packs. Their best friends since ninth grade flanking their entrance. Seating is strategic. Most wait until half an hour into the meeting to make their entrance and proceed to the very middle of the widest pew, because that is where the beautiful boys are sitting, and who doesn't like to push their way through a crowd of beautiful boys to sit down and feel the spirit. Oh ya, that's why we go to church, to feel the spirit! For some reason i was a little confused on that fact for a minute when I saw the mini skirted blondes stumbling in their four inch heels squealing at the boys in the middle of sacrament. I realize that my opinion might be skewed, because I don't have nineteen best friends in my ward, and i don't weight 27 pounds, and my hair isn't puffier than my brain, but seriously it is getting hard for me to ignore the freakin mating dance. Can't we just wait to lust after eachother until after sacrament meeting?