The singles ward.
Infamous in the mormon community as a mating ground for the very young members of society who have yet to find their knight in shining armour to multiply and replenish the earth with. The girls put on their very best outfits and most ravishing styles to attract the good looking ones. The spiritually strong that are lacking in the looks department seek to woo their partners with vast vocabularies as they bare their testimonies every fast sunday. They are all hunting in packs. Their best friends since ninth grade flanking their entrance. Seating is strategic. Most wait until half an hour into the meeting to make their entrance and proceed to the very middle of the widest pew, because that is where the beautiful boys are sitting, and who doesn't like to push their way through a crowd of beautiful boys to sit down and feel the spirit. Oh ya, that's why we go to church, to feel the spirit! For some reason i was a little confused on that fact for a minute when I saw the mini skirted blondes stumbling in their four inch heels squealing at the boys in the middle of sacrament. I realize that my opinion might be skewed, because I don't have nineteen best friends in my ward, and i don't weight 27 pounds, and my hair isn't puffier than my brain, but seriously it is getting hard for me to ignore the freakin mating dance. Can't we just wait to lust after eachother until after sacrament meeting?
This should be in a newspaper or the Ensign. SO FUNNY. I feel like we should have meat market playing after it too. You kill me as usual and seriously once again I am going to tell you you should write a newspaper column on the side FOR REAL! love you V-day sucks!!!! have fun at dance. I will be sitting at home watching a movie alone while Josh plays softball. Hopefully at least the boys will go to bed fast.
ReplyDeleteJessica.
ReplyDeleteJessica. My eyes are crying and my cheeks hurt.
I've never been to a singles ward...this is what I percieved BIWB (before I was Baptized) but since the Bap (baptism), this is even more funny...funnier...whatever the appropriate English is.
I REALLY WANT TO POST THIS ON MY BLOG.
Please give me permission.
Ha!! That is hilarious.. I went to a singles ward twice and holy cow drove me crazy so I was done!!
ReplyDeleteOh Jessica, my funny daughter, not only should you write a newspaper column, you may as well just direct a new LDS movie - Thank heavens it is not you with the mini skirt and 4 inch heels making a grand entrance in the middle of church. I am so glad that annoys you.
ReplyDeletePermission granted Kass, haha I didn't even realize i was in full on valentines day rant, oops, i really didn't think i was that girl!
ReplyDeleteOh my Jess i think I just wet myself I am still laughing so hard! This is hilarious and its kind of sad how true it really is. I also really want to post this on my blog...im going to assume that since you gave Kassie permission that I can too? Anyway thanks for making me laugh my head off today!! Oh and ps this is Haley not Brenda :)
ReplyDeleteJessica, this is the funniest and most honest thing I have read in a long time. It is so true! I honestly dread going to my singles ward. My bishopric finally got the hint that I am not going to go there so they got off my back about it. Good timing for v-day haha.
ReplyDeleteNathan hated the movie 'Singles Ward'--it hit too close to home. Thank you for the laugh.
ReplyDelete