jessica janae

Dirty Laundry

2011-06-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

For some reason summer means that I go over two weeks without doing my laundry. I just let it pile up and pile up, which is nice because by the time half of my wardrobe is in my hamper I finally have enough hangers for all my clothes, but is not so nice on days like today. My only inspiration to do laundry is when i run out of clean panties. Usually I can time it pretty well and I don't actually run out. Today was a close call. The only pair I had left were those cheeky kind, you know the ones that are straight in the back so your bummy kind of hangs out the bottom. I would never intentionally buy this type of undergarment. My butt is way too big to need to hang out the bottom of my panties on purpose, but my best friend gave them to me for christmas in high school and obviously they haven't gotten a ton of action so I kept them longer than the average pair of underwear. So i wear my cheeky panties to school and the instant I get out of my car I have the biggest weggie in the entire world. Like i was worried my panties were going to come out the top of my pants it was so bad. And I'm walking around campus and all I can think is.... I've got a weggie, I've got a weggie, I've got a weggie hey hey hey hey ( you know, alph alpha style). Which means I am walking around by myself laughing at the thoughts in my head and people are looking at me funny, and I don't know if it's because they can tell I have a weggie or if they just think I am a crazy schizophrenic that laughs at nothing while they aimlessly roam around. Either way it makes for an uncomfortable day. Next time I am really going to try and do my laundry before i run out of panties. But lets be honest, weggie undies are better than no undies at all!

My Right to Complain

2011-06-09T09:20:00.000-07:00

I currently have the Mount Kilaminjaro of cold soars exploding from my face. I seriously didn't think my poor lip could expand to this capacity. The rest of my mouth seriously can't keep up with this extent of swelling, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to develop like nineteen more cold soars because the skin can't stretch any further and its going to break and turn into another pus filled crusty bowl of crap that makes me not want to show my face in public. And because of this disgusting facial feature I feel like I have the right to complain....

-We go to the store to buy the freakin twenty dollar Abreva for this stupid cold soar and Lins is out! So we drive to Walgreens and they are closed! I thought Walgreens was the 24 hr pharmacy? Apparantly not! So we wound up at Albertsons, my least favorite store because I always see people from high school, which is exactly what I don't want when I have a diseased face and I'm buying drugs!

-The pills to heal this cold soar are even bigger than my cold soar, it's a miracle they fit in my mouth. I have anxiety every time i try to swollow them, if that didn't go down, my airway would certainly be blocked, restricting my breathing and decreasing oxygen to my brain so not only will I have a cold soar, I will also have brain damage.

-There isn't a back door to the Library on campus, so I have to walk my ugly face all the way around the building to get in and then go all the way through to the study tables at the back of the freakin libraray! And of course I get ambushed with a "hey you in the dress" by some other creeper who apparantly remembers me from biology and wants to hang out with me, even though I was still taller than him and I was two steps down and I have a mountain growing out of my lip. I did not have very good luck with the other creepers from my biology class. I feel like that is a really bad idea!

-My air conditioner is stuck on feet, which means that my face gets 900 degrees in the middle of the day and i am sweating and red and my bangs are stuck to my head every time I get out of the car, but I can't walk because my feet are numb and my poor little bad circulation toes are completely frozen!

When this disease falls of my face i will balance my pessimism with an incredibly upbeat blog about how much I love summer....dont worry!

Woman of the Year 1974

2011-05-10T14:17:00.000-07:00

Ton ta ton ta ton!

I couldn't find the actual striped sweater on the rock picture but i felt that this adequately expressed my feelings.

Happy Mothers Day to the best mom in the entire world. She is the funniest, nicest, most beautiful, kind, tiny, energetic, giving, generous, happy person ever. I can't believe someone as nice and wonderful as her actually exists. She is the best mom in the whole wide world. She does everything for her kids and grandkids and doesn't think twice about it. I am so grateful to have her!

Top 5 Reasons why Yoli is Awesome:

1. She received excellent scores in the swimming suit contest of Miss Iron County- excellent body.

2. As a member of the elite (only six members) cheer squad at Cedar High, she kissed all of the football captains.

3. She is the definition of hep to the jive.

4. She is an amazing aerobicizer -Master of the Step Touch.

5. She likes to exfolate her atne with a tawl and then use her permIT to get into the CAfe.

(capital letters used for emphasis on the wrong syllable)

The reason unendowed women aren't allowed in the temple

2011-04-27T21:17:00.000-07:00

Oh please let it end!

2011-04-26T13:44:00.000-07:00

finals week = worse than waking up at 5 in the morning for clinicals

I have never before had so bad of a case of summeritis. Maybe it is because I am the queen of self-diagnosis now, I'm not sure, but I honestly haven't listened to a word coming out of my teachers mouths for the last three weeks. In class, boring boring four hour long class, I sit next to the most ADHD child in all the world. Together we look at facebook and youtube snowboarding videos and google the most attractive way to wear a polo. We discuss what I should wear to various events and he tells me why he has yet to find a wife even though he listens to the prophet. When he falls asleep, i doodle all over my "notes" hearts and squiggles and flowers and stars. When that fails to entertain me I look, I look out the window, which is all the way behind me, and watch for bunnies and hikers on the mountain. Occasionally I stare at some of my other classmates until they look at me. Oh the joys of being a slacker.

At home when I need to be studying, I....

1. Watch Wildfire on netflix. I seriously can't stop myself. I love Junior so much I might die. Best teen drama soap opera ever!

2. Eat easter candy.

3. Practice my violin. Well, at least that one is productive.

4. Eat other unhealthy things.

5. Read the Reader's Digest. Because I am an eighty year old man. There was actually a very interesting article about this lady that works in a company that charges college students to write their essays for them. Like she just googles and bull craps seventy five page research papers for $2,000! What is this world coming to?

6. Paint my nails. Usually while watching Wildfire.

7. Get frozen treats (mini blizzard) with Em and her children.

8. Lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling.

9. Meander aimlessly on the internet.

10. Look at my books and pretend to be studying but singing Taylor Swift songs in my head instead of actually comprehending what I am reading.

The first picture that came up when I google imaged finals. Haha and I just couldn't resist sharing those joyful faces with the world :)

The life of a productive nursing student!

In my old age...

2011-04-01T13:55:00.000-07:00

I am coming to the conclusion of my teenage years. Weird i know. In my head i am still approximately fifteen reliving my sophomore year of high school, when all the senior boys were this beautiful intangible mystery and somehow they all appreciated the freshness of my meat. Well although I feel like those days are long gone, I now go to school with a wonderful group of people that are married with children, and they make me feel like a tiny little idiot. So contrary to what my classmates have to say, I am full of wisdom and maturity, as evidence by....

The love of reading.

Well, not exactly a love, or desire, more like an internal need to read and read and read, and not so much for enjoyment, but so I don't fail tests. And while the need to read doesn't actually show wisdom, the knowledge that I gain turns into wisdom, and prioritization of reading my textbooks, rather than say.... do anything else, shows some serious maturity.

Modest Swimwear!

With maturity comes modesty. I am now the proud owner of two one piece swimming suits and one adorable tankini (pictured above), that is named after me. The Jessica Tankini, like it was fate that I take this step into my future by not baring my midrif. Now that is a mature decision.

Other things that classify me as old and mature..

1. I have now been in the relief society presidency for two semesters in a row. It doesn't get older or more straight arrow than relief society.

2. I actually attempted (but failed) to do my visiting teaching. When you picture a visiting teacher, you do not picture a young immature little lady.

3. I love sweet potatoes and asparagus, yes those are vegetables. That is maturity in it's finest.

4. And finally, in approximately three months and three days, I will no longer be a teen! That means that I am a for real grown up....right?

No lusting in sacrament!

2011-02-14T15:34:00.000-08:00

The singles ward.

Infamous in the mormon community as a mating ground for the very young members of society who have yet to find their knight in shining armour to multiply and replenish the earth with. The girls put on their very best outfits and most ravishing styles to attract the good looking ones. The spiritually strong that are lacking in the looks department seek to woo their partners with vast vocabularies as they bare their testimonies every fast sunday. They are all hunting in packs. Their best friends since ninth grade flanking their entrance. Seating is strategic. Most wait until half an hour into the meeting to make their entrance and proceed to the very middle of the widest pew, because that is where the beautiful boys are sitting, and who doesn't like to push their way through a crowd of beautiful boys to sit down and feel the spirit. Oh ya, that's why we go to church, to feel the spirit! For some reason i was a little confused on that fact for a minute when I saw the mini skirted blondes stumbling in their four inch heels squealing at the boys in the middle of sacrament. I realize that my opinion might be skewed, because I don't have nineteen best friends in my ward, and i don't weight 27 pounds, and my hair isn't puffier than my brain, but seriously it is getting hard for me to ignore the freakin mating dance. Can't we just wait to lust after eachother until after sacrament meeting?

Long Hair means Sassy and Attractive

2011-01-04T15:12:00.000-08:00

Long hair=throwing out the vibes, so of course growing mine out and trying to make myself attractive to the stupid men. So I'm just feeling all sassy and long haired which is what inspired the background and picture change, but I seriously didn't even notice that I was doing the same pose in a backless dress as the homegirl on my background so seriously don't judge me.

a whole new year

2011-01-01T18:34:00.000-08:00

Although New Years Eve is my least favorite holiday in the world, like really I would prefer celebrating arbor day any day and I absolutely hate knowing with almost perfect certainty that the boy I've been crushing on is making out at this exact moment, I do like a fresh start and resolutions...so here we go:

1. Have so much fun with all of my hobbies (you know enjoy my dance classes and practice my violin like crazy but don't take myself too seriously, just to experience the happiness and joy i can create)

2. Follow John Mayer's advice: be friends, lovers, or nothing because the in between crap is just so not conducive to my happiness (and by lovers of course I don't actually mean lovers)

3. Gain a rockin testimony of the atonement (i'm taking the atonement, forgiveness, and repentence institute class next semester so that should be a good starting point)

4. Work my butt off at school, but realize that an A- has never killed anybody, maybe even a B if I've worked my very hardest and that's all I can do

5. Don't let grumpy people bring me down. Spread my joy to as many as I can, if they don't want it, just let it go and keep my joy

6. Take a risk (maybe not a very big one because i will go into cardiac arrest from fright, but little not too risky risks would be good for a girl like me)

7. Spend time with all of my nephews individually, get to know them, let them know me, play with them for real (on the floor without the tv on undivided attention play)

8. Dont judge a book by it's cover (because I might actually be the most shallow person ever and I am just not pretty enough to be as picky as I'm being and I don't ever actually end up liking the personality of the pretty ones)

9. Let the people I love know that I love them (because if I don't show them they will be inclined to say, how do I know he loves me, how do I know he cares--watch enchanted, you will understand my world so much better)

10. Sing loud in the shower. Pain my nails, give the polish an awesome name, and make time to let them dry. Go on dates even when I think it will be awkward with a capital A. Go to church by myself and not care about all the other stupid superficial people because that's not why I go to church. Make time for recreational reading. Smile at everyone and blue skies with fluffy clouds. Save money. Pay tithing. Buy something that makes me feel pretty every now and then.

11. Have a wonderful 2011!!!

THANKFUL!

2010-11-23T21:21:00.000-08:00

santa!!!

dress up surprise parties

cheerleaders :)

state champs!!!!

grown up slip n slides

fantasy football draft tough girls

synchronized swimming

pee wee football speed

cheeks!!

halloween....christmas

boys ;)

Holy cow, where to begin. I love thanksgiving- I love football, and crunchy leaves, and eating until you are absolutely sick and then going to get seconds. But the true meaning of thanksgiving is to show and express gratitude for all the wonderfulness around us....so here is my ranting random grateful list for 2010:

1. Im grateful for my family. They are my people. They mean absolutely everything to me. I don't know who I would be without them.

2. Im grateful that my mom pretty much worked a full time job to pay for my dance and violin lessons, as an ungrateful brat of a child I don't think I ever recognized the sacrifices she was making for me. I do now, and I am so amazed!

3. Im grateful for six of the cutest nephews in the world. I love that they each have such distinctive personalities. I'm grateful that Mack was born on my birthday, that paxten loves to play cars with me and beat me in the homerun derby, that bo has the awesomest cheeks and lets me love on them, that cru says i love you caca in between telling me to stop singing, that cael finally remembered my name and didn't call me krisica even though that is also pretty awesomely funny, and that brooksie gives me awesome loves every time he sees me!

4. Im grateful that President Monson's smiling crinkley face is my screen saver, pure joy and a reminder that i should be doing good things.

5. Im grateful to work with the sweetest little ladies that are so nice and always give me awesome life advice and tell me not to get married.

6. Im grateful that I can dance and feel so happy and free and wonderful just from moving my body and creating something. For a long time I wasn't dancing for the right reasons and I was tearing myself down so much that I just was unhappy. I am so glad that I am fixed and can feel such joy by doing something that I've worked so hard at.

7. Im grateful that I can express my testimony through music. I'm not good and bearing my testimony in church, I think its hard and awkward to say what I mean and have it make any sense to people outside of my head. But when I can play it, I can feel and show those emotions and it just works out so much better.

8. Im grateful that i am approximately ten days away from finishing the Book of Mormon for the second time. Wow I actually understand why they always tell you to read your scriptures. It really does make you have a better day and you really can learn about the gospel and it really isn't this boring unapplicable to your life book, its a miracle! And it definitely has built my testimony so much!

9. Im grateful that I have more friends than I realize. Me and my dad always joke that I have no friends because I don't really hang out with anyone...like ever. But I really do have people in my life that I care about that would help me and be there for me. I have friends at school and I have friends from high school and I have the best family ever, Im really kind of a lucky kid.

10. Im grateful for crunchy leaves, nail polish, big fluffy bed spreads, big fluffy clouds, an awesome guessing on tests accuracy, my i pod shuffle mode knowing exactly what I want to listen to, halloween, tv shows i like, st george weather, getting into nursing school, trench coats, steve madden heels, chocolate chip cookies, slip n slides, cancer survivors, mascara, back massage tradesies, school vacations, swimming, finding a brand of jeans that fit my booty, football, the church of jesus christ of latter day saints, and (maybe my most grateful item) HOME.

Happy Halloween!....

2010-11-16T15:12:00.000-08:00

.....or Merry Christmas whatever floats your boat! By now I figure you have all seen the majesty of our annual halloween party on all of my sisters blogs so I will just post this awesomeness of me and kristi, aka jovie the elf and girl from avatar! Love halloween, its my very favorite. I have like the next ten years of costumes picked out!

Mr. Cael

2010-11-02T15:02:00.000-07:00

Hang in there little man! Caca loves you! You are the bravest stud ever!

And it came to pass....

2010-10-25T14:42:00.000-07:00

After reading my scriptures last night I get down on my knees to pray. Usually I start out my prayers with "dear heavenly father," or something of that nature. You know Im a pretty predictable person. Last night I apparantly decided to mix it up, I kneel and say, "And it came to pass." Haha and it came to pass? seriously? I was going to try and recover and make it into a real prayer, but it so did not work out. Im kneeling on the ground at 11 at night giggling like an idiot to myself. I go out and tell my mom while she is washing her face and we both start laughing way too hard. For the next half hour I sat there busting a gut! I then try and kneel and pray again but can hardly breath I am laughing so hard. Lets just say my goodnight prayer last night did not move any mountains or cause any miracles. But seriously funny! Almost as funny as when my mom answered the phone and said "heavenly father?" instead of hello!

I'm IN!

2010-10-18T19:46:00.000-07:00

(oh I couldn't resist the sweet little asian)

I made it. That oh so ambiguous grown up goal is actually in my very immediate future. It just seems so surreal. It's like graduating high school all over again. Even though I over planned and over thought everything I still never thought that the day would actually come. Am I sure I can do this? Do I want to do this? Do I want harder scarier school and clinicals with real people that I could potentially seriously injure or kill? Am I big enough for this? My awesome sister in law Kassie commented that even when I am a real RN at the ripe old age of 20 looking like a 12 year old I am going to get a lot of comments about not being old enough for patients to trust me. We decided that I will just say, fine you can deal with one of the old hags that has worked way too long and hates their job and all of you sick people and isn't up to date on all of the new information because they went to school before I was born! Well probably not. I'm hoping that people will like me cause I'm nice. It usually works out pretty well for me! Just picture it, in approximately twentyish months I will have a big kid job, freaky! For now I am just excited to find some cute, hopefully semi well fitting navy scrubs! Nursing School here I come!

2010-10-04T19:13:00.000-07:00

I love conference, even though its eight hours of church, even though I don't get to wear my adorable new lace adorned shirt with my rockin black pencil skirt and steve madden pumps (i mean i could have but that just seems inappropriate in a lawn chair in my half painted basement), even though I'm a loser pants and the only child home for three sessions, even though we didnt think ahead and get treats, I LOVE CONFERENCE! My three favorite talks:

1. Holland(of course): When he talked about his parents sacrificing so much to pay for his mission I bawled like a little baby(not like that's anything surprising). My parents give me everything. My mom started working a full time job so that she could pay for my dance and violin lessons. And she never complained. Never said gee wiz Jess it would sure be nice to hear some appreciation since I am working nine hour days so that you can be the prima ballerina and the concert violinist. They did it cause they love me. They do everything cause they love me and they want me to be happy. Holy crap good people.

2.Uchtdorf: The "what does this haave to do with airplanes" comment was seriously hilarious. I think he is a funny, good looking, awesomely accented older man. I love the message of his talk, when things get hard and you feel busy, don't try and make yourself busier. Don't try and speed up. Go at your optimism, this is hard crap, speed and focus on the fundamentals. I really need to listen to that.

3. President Monson: Oh how I love that wise old owl! I love his gratitude talk. He is so right! I love when I have those awesomely positive days and I just love everything and I look and the blue sky and sing my favorite songs and feel so amazingly happy that nothing can take me down. I need to do that more often, even if it's rainy and cold, even if I have two tests and have to work and dont have time to go to the gym and feel good about attempting to reduce the size of my thighs. I have everything. I have a testimony of the gospel, I have the most awesome loving family on the face of the earth, I have the opportunity to learn crazy things that most people would never want to know, I get to dance once a week and feel so alive and happy, I get to practice my violin every day(well I try and practice every day) and hear the beauty of music and work on my talents, I have friends- ya real ones, who know me and love me for who I am. I AM BLESSED!

Back to School

2010-09-02T18:18:00.001-07:00

First Day of School! My dear sister heard of this way cute tradition where the mom had all her kids write what grade they were going into and take pictures with their signs on their first day of school. Well, we decided to initiate this tradition on the first day of my sophomore year of college because Em's kids still have a while before they get into school. And we definitely had to add the "of college" for clarification because if anything i look younger now that I did when i was in high school!

My deceivingly joyful back to school face.

In the famous sing song words of Billy Madison: back to school, back to school, to prove to my daddy that i'm not a fool, i've got my shoes tied tight, my lunch packed right, i hope i don't get in a fight. But in my case it's more like back to school, because im a fool, and took summer classes which totally killed my break, and now im burnt out already and its been like five days! But that PB&J during my communications class really does make me feel better!

i owe ice cream

2010-08-21T14:02:00.000-07:00

There is a tradition in my family. The origins are unknown to me. For some of my siblings it would have been quite easy to keep up with and only came about a couple of times. For others of my siblings it is much more frequent and possibly impossible. Well the time has come again for me to owe ice cream. This much anticipated moment was made even sweeter because it took so dang long, but the day finally came, and its time for me to pay up! So here you go, virtual ice cream via blog. If you want the real stuff you will just have to come and get me!

summer thus far

2010-08-16T14:46:00.001-07:00

I love zumba! I drag my butt out of bed almost every morning at nine so I can go to zumba class at my gym. It is so much fun even though I look like a seriously white retard ballerina trying to do hip hop. And yes, I wear yellow stretchy pants with a jean inlay like the girl in the picture and make the awesome face the guy is making.

Me and Debora Dawn at my performance in Zion. Somehow they roped me into performing again. I am really going to have to practice saying no, especially with another Nutcracker coming up! It was actually really fun to perform outside in the beautiful canyon and Debora took me and Lachelle to a delicious dinner! As long as I get food out of it I am totally cool. And I got to dance with my teacher Amber and my old ballet teacher Angie so that was fun to be one of the big girls!

During finals week my little study group and I decided that our brains couldn't possibly take any more input so we took a break to celebrate our awesome grades! Me Becca and Allie went to a roadrunners game and it was so much fun! And yes, we might have broken out the flashcards while we were there, but I'm sure no one even noticed that we were talking about vaginas and feces!

Me and Kristi did some out of school baking. I don't actually remember this, but I'm pretty sure it happened since I have photo evidence.

Last night I broke out the 98 degrees christmas CD. PURE JOY! Haha I can't even tell you how much I love that CD and the extreme happiness it brings me. Best CD ever!

I live in the freakin Enchanted Forest! My good friend Chippie, who I named chippie because I thought he was a chipmunk but is actually a squirrel, lives at my house! Every time I come home I see his bushy little tail running away from me, and then he'll freeze like I can't see him if he is standing still. Haha I love chippie!

I know I know I haven't blogged in forever. But like I kept telling my sister when she was trying to get me to read a fun book... I don't have time for recreational reading. And I will extend that to this, I didn't have time for recreational blogging of my funnies, I'm so serious and focused on stupid summer school that nothing funny happened! But that is over now thank goodness and I got a hundred percent plus a bonus on my lab final so I think that is a success. It's time for me to step back in the blog world!

Cute Glasses and Golf over Football

2010-08-12T16:03:00.000-07:00

I have a dilemma. A very dramatic manly dilemma. And I am just so not a drama person! I hate it and I think its stupid. So... I have been hanging out with this boy that I kind of dated in high school and even though I'm not really interested in him and I'm pretty sure he's not interested in me, I was just hanging out cause I need friends! Anyway so while hanging out with this boy, one of his best friends, that is way funnier, cuter, funnier, more personalityish, and funnier than him, started texting me and what not. And of course I'm going to be more interested in the funny, cute one over the the one that prefers golf to football and tries to serenade me with his not so sweet music. So when golf over football finds out that cute glasses boy has been talking to me he just gets his panties in a bunch and starts acting so weird! All of the sudden he is this gentleman and opens my doors and offers me shotgun and actually acts like he likes me even though he really doesn't he's just mad that cute glasses boy is interested! So pretty much I am ruining these boys's friendship and just causing so much drama, and I am so not that girl! BUT, luckily golfer is moving to Provo in the next couple days, which means that cute glasses can be done "laying off" as instructed by his friend, and hopefully take me on a real, no dirty little secret, date! A girl can dream right!!

Is reality REAL or is it something your brain creates?

2010-06-07T15:57:00.000-07:00

I held someone's brain in my hands today. Their entire reality. All of their thoughts, memories, actions, dreams, plans, and so much more. In my hands. I can name all of the parts. Seriously quiz me, I am not kidding around with my anatomy studying! But it just blows my mind! I am sitting here blogging on my computer...my brain is facilitating my writing and comprehension and finger movements and my vision, and color recognition, and object recognition, and my background thoughts of beautiful men, and the background song in my head that never really goes away. Holy Cammoley! It is just beyond my comprehension how all of this works! We are smart, loving, able people because of this grey matter in our heads...it just freaks me right out! Maybe I should become a student of the philosophy of life cause there is some seriously deep thought going on in my brain right now. Weird. But I like it.

Back to the Ence's

2010-05-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

My sophomore year of high school i dated the most gorgeous wake boarding boy that lived out in the middle of nowhere in the biggest most fun house ever. I have wonderful memories full of pool parties and sand volleyball. Well I went back to that beautiful oasis yesterday. But things were very different. I was in a one piece swimming suit. Carson is on his mission somewhere foreign and crazy that I don't remember. I actually talked to a bunch or random people that I knew from high school (which isn't different from then, but it doesn't happen very often now). And I went with Narnia. Now the fact that he has a girlfriend and they are back together after taking a break, which was when me and him hung out a couple times, is new information to me. But regardless it was really fun to be social! People are actually nice when you are crammed in a hot tub together, even the ones you thought didn't like you in high school. Wearing a one piece in public is not embarrassing I actually got a couple compliments. And I think I might actually hang out with the most adorable kid that I had a huge crush on in eighth grade. All in all it turned out great and I officially have at least one friend. What could be better than that? I am such a little college co-ed. At least thats what my old young womens leader said when she saw me at the grocery store..."you just look like such a cute little co-ed!"

Jeepers Creepers!

2010-05-17T10:23:00.001-07:00

I went on the creepiest date of my life. I really just don't want to go into it. But here is a little advice for all of those fellow daters in the world- even though the only people that read my blog are married family members.
1. Don't stare creepily at other people's bare sunburned legs. Its just weird.
2. If you notice that the other person is talking, asking questions, and then talking again, maybe throw in some dialog of your own. Thats why they call it a two way conversation.
3. If you happen to bring up the other persons ex boyfriend, even though she broke up with him cause she honestly just wasnt that interested, there is no need to remind her of how funny looking he is. And DONT under any circumstances ask if he is a good kisser. A. that is just weird- if you want to know so bad, try him out for yourself. B. if you just want to talk trash on him- well that is just unnecessary.
4. And this is really the most important one. DONT TELL THE WEIRD CREEPY STORY OF HOW YOU GOT EXCOMMUNICATED ON YOUR MISSION! I do not want to hear it! It makes me feel very uncomfortable to know that you got mad at heavenly father to give you kidney stones.
5. After all of this terribleness, don't ask to go for a walk around the block. The ride home was torture enough, there is absolutely no need to prolong it further.
6.AND after all of that....don't text me after and act surprised that I didn't text you back.

The creepy love note and yellow car should have been red flags enough for me to run in the opposite direction.

YES!!!

2010-05-03T11:04:00.000-07:00

I feel how Brooks's face looks

I am done with finals! I am officially a sophomore in college and have no more studying or schooling to do for a whole month!

Narnia and I got hot chocolate and talked for like an hour. Magical. He made fun of me for telling him I was "almost 19," I gave him crap for being naturally athletic, it was a good time.

My whole crazy wonderful family was in the same place at the same time. I love them. A whole lot. My little nephews are the most adorable things in the world!

Cael finally remembered my name and didn't call me Krissica by the end of the trip.

I saw the winner of the Ironman as he transitioned from bike to marathon..crazy!

I got my bangs cut and now look like the pretty lady from Army Wives that used to be on Jag.

Its a GOOD day!

It Happened!

2010-04-23T16:31:00.000-07:00

Magical :)

You know that wonderful moment when you realize that the dream you've been dreaming for the past four months is actually coming true! For me, I usually start giggling, turn red, and speak in incoherent stuttering sentences. Well that moment happened today. The move has been made. My number is in his phone, and his in mine. We had a very short mini conversation over text. I smiled incessantly for a good four hours. What a wonderful day! Ha I'm such a little middle school girl and I don't even care, it makes me happy!

Seriously?

2010-04-07T14:41:00.001-07:00

Although the testing center has been known to give me butterflies and the giggles, yesterday that was definitely not the case! Well I mean, it totally was, but I also had to take a four page Psych test that took me two hours! And it was not a nice little multiple choice, it was all free answer. But not just, lets see if you understand the concept free answer, it was lets see if you memorized the ninety some odd pages that were on this exam by asking you the most ridiculously specific questions that will make you cry! Upon exiting, Narnia tells me its a good thing there wasn't a time limit on my test cause I was in there forever. Oh was I, huh I hadn't noticed! My elbow was aching for the next four hours from gripping my stupid pencil so tight!

In my jazz class we did African Dancing, do you know how white and ridiculous I am?...Im pretty sure I threw my back out trying to get my groove on. Seriously?

In yoga the new blonde with her perfect teeth and tiny spandex pants informed us on no uncertain terms that this was not her first yoga class. Apparently my competitiveness got the best of me and I wanted to show her that we too are yoga vets. I tried really hard to do my shoulder stand rock out of it thing....Not only is my spine bruised, but I also managed to knee myself in the face! Seriously!

Let's just say that I am not having the easiest time getting around today.

After I started crying when my boss called me and told me I had to work all weekend, I realized that it must be time for some Midol. Great! The worst part is, that even if I didn't have work every Friday and Saturday night, I still wouldn't have anything to do! Cause I don't have friends! I would end up watching High School Musical two with my dad. Seriously!

I now have to go to my three hour, one credit biology lab. I hate this lab. Especially today. And no, I did not study, which means I will do bad on the quiz, which means I probably wont get an A in the class, which means I will have to watch a three hour long movie on evolution and write a paper on it for five points extra credit, and still not have an A in the class. Seriously?

Now don't get all worried here, just because I can't walk and Im on my period and I am so ready to be done with school I am tempted to just not go again and see what grades I could get without my finals, does not mean that I have lost my sunshine. I am still the joyfully happy person you all know and love, I just need a little more chocolate and some eye candy and I will be good. Maybe I will go to the testing center without any tests and just sit and stare. Cause thats not creepy at all!

Mature Modesty

2010-04-03T20:17:00.000-07:00

At the ripe old age of eighteen I have finally passed up my desire to wear skankalicious swim wear and have settled into an adorable pinky orange one piece swimming suit. I know, I never thought it would happen either. I mean I love all of my adorable, ruffley, comfortable, easy to go to the bathroom in, two pieces. They don't have to try and cover my incredibly long body and still not gape in the chest, I mean you can buy two completely different sizes in tops and bottoms! That is very convenient in one so disproportionate as I! But I actually found a modest suit that fits me! And doesn't look awful! And is still cute and ruffley and vaguely comfortable, and covers my giant long body and doesn't gape in my boobs! It truly is a conference weekend miracle. I just feel so mature and modest. And you know what they say about modesty! Haha MODEST IS THE HOTTEST!!!

(p.s.-that picture is my actual swimming suit, sorry its super small but that's the only way i could figure out how to illegally copy and paste it onto my blog! And there is not a chance in crap I would take a picture of myself in a swimming suit and post it on the internet! )

Red Rover Red Rover, Send Narnia Right OVER!

2010-03-29T13:57:00.000-07:00

Ya, that's right. My soul mate spot is empty (thanks for the advice Kass, and all others!) and I'm really hoping Narnia gets the message. Or pretty much any other around my age, semi-good looking, funny, full of testimony and vigor young man! Yes, I pulled the "I think we should just be friends card" and yes I know its very cliche. But it was either that or tell Mr. Negative Nancy that he was driving me absolutely bonkers with his complaining and i hated that he didn't listen to me when I talked! And just because you can bench 375 pounds does not mean that you are Heman, and even if you were, I still don't want you to push me off the couch! And I'm sorry that I get a better score on every test in biology, but seriously don't get mad cause you're not as smart as me, you still got a hundred percent! Haha so I told him we should just be friends, he took it surprisingly well. Maybe he was just as sick of me as I was of him!!!

Deep in Thought

2010-03-18T19:20:00.000-07:00

Real life Texas Ranger
vs.
Testing Center Stalking Narnia

So the whole breaking up thing, apparently I'm not very good at it. Cause look at me once again seeing Texas Ranger way too much, and I just don't have the feelings that he has towards me! But I seriously have no other friends and I was so bored and lonely for the day and a half that we didn't talk! But isn't that just the freaking rudest thing in the world, to date someone just because I have nothing better to do. I am such an awful person. But I really do like him and think that he is a good person. He treats me incredibly well. But I just don't think we are right for each other, at all. Like we are pretty much as opposite as two people can get besides the fact that we are both total nerds. Is it bad for me to keep dating him even though I don't want to end up with him in the long run? I just don't know what to do. I mean if Narnia were knocking down my door asking me out, then I would have no problem cutting my ties with Texas Ranger and skipping off into the testing center sunset. But no one else even talks to me! Oh the dilemmas of a dating girl! In the exponential amount of chick flicks I have seen in my life, never has it been this hard! There is always a clear choice! Someone is always running into them around the corner or coming to their window to sing them a song! This has totally clouded my perception of real life!

IM BACK!

2010-03-06T14:55:00.001-08:00

I know, I know...my blogging has been seldom and far between lately, but good news for all of you that have missed my quit wit and humor! I broke up with my boyfriend! So that means I will have oogles of time for my beloved outlet of a blog! Hopefully some fun stalker stories will be coming your way soon. I mean, I kind of enjoyed having a boyfriend, just cause ya know it gave me something to do and he was really nice and took me to dinner and i think he actually really liked me, which lets be honest doesn't happen very frequently. But then he started really really liking me and it made me nervous!!! Ha and he like read surgical manuals for fun, and his favorite treat is yogurt....I need a man that can appreciate my insane love for all things chocolate and my incredible cookie making talent, and he just didn't fit the bill. And I feel like a total witch (substitute the w for a b) for breaking his little heart after only three weeks. And I'm seriously going to miss having someone to talk to and hang out with all the time, ya know because of my lack of friends. But I seriously think it was for the best. He was too serious, and because I am so serious I need someone not so serious, seriously! I guess its back to the testing center for me, if only I had any money to invest, I could go to the bank and checkup on the beautiful bank man. Don't worry, my job starts in June, and then I will be in there every two weeks! And yes I will memorize his schedule and actually go in the bank, wearing my hot jeans and sending out the vibe with my long hair (long hair=attractive to men and single just in case you were wondering.) And yes, my hair isn't actually long at all, but by June! I mean just imagine the potential length! It could mean wonderful things for me and the bank man!!!!

MEET THE FAMILY!

2010-02-23T14:16:00.000-08:00

The dry spell is over. I owe a lot of ice cream. He even met my family! Now to be precise, he didnt meet my entire family, he still has a big football coach brother and amazingly hilarious greek sister in law...and some awesomely crazy and hilarious nephews to go! But he met the bulk of them, along with Kaber and his flavor of the week, at the parents anniversary/we want to meet your friend boy party yesterday. I have to say, it went quite well! There was only one mention of boobs, that Im not actually sure he heard and JJ only said he would take his shirt of and beat him like twice! That is pretty successful for my first legit (or lagit as Em would say) college friend boy family meeting. Some might actually go as far to say that he is my boy friend, but I just dont feel grown up enough to use that word. I think he even won some points with Josh because he actually knew the rules to Curling, thanks to his Canadian upbringing, and yes he does say mum and wagon funny! Maybe someday i will actually have a picture that I can post but for now just make a mental image and then we can compare how close you were!

The Testing Center

2010-01-27T21:37:00.000-08:00

The testing center.... the three most dreaded words in the college vocabulary. At least every normal person in college. But am I normal? I think not. You may be asking...why on earth does this crazy girl like going to the awful place that makes you be quiet and put your backpack in a funny bag and prevent you from nonchalantly looking over your shoulder to see what the idiot next to you got on number three, just to make sure you're on the right page?

Reason #1: The only class that actually makes me go to the testing center is my CNA class. And these aren't actual tests, they are just semi-long quizzes. And I have gotten 100% on every single one....except for one, I missed the one about washing hands, 10-15 seconds just didn't seem long enough!

Reason #2: There just happens to be a beautiful boy that works there. And apparently he knows my entire family, which at least gave us something to talk about. And I'm pretty sure he is at least an inch taller than me, which totally works, I don't like looking up at people anyway. And he pretty much told me that I smell deliciously wonderful and he loves me. Well he actually just asked me if i put lotion on, and I said ya sorry its so smelly (cause it really was super strong but my hands were so dry from washing them with such wonderful technique in my CNA class!) And he always sits me at the same computer (#4), and I'm pretty sure its because at that computer he has the perfect angle to watch me take my tests so awesomely successfully! Except for the time the weird kid that told me my hair was rad sat me at Computer #8, I don't think my love was very happy about that! And neither was I because that is when I missed my one and only "wash your hands for 30 seconds" question! Freak!

I love the Testing Center! It give me such joy to go there every tuesday and friday at 11:00!

Ice Skating!!!

2010-01-23T16:06:00.000-08:00

Ha my awkward facial expression really expresses my emotions at this time! Ice skating is freaking hard! And I was so nervous and crappy! And they gave me the little girl skates with pink laces cause they knew that I was on the same level as the five year olds!

Notice the dissheveled bangs and curly hair...well lets just say it wasn't because of my incredible speed and skill! It was so cold my hair actually curled! And I'm pretty sure my toes got frost bite and are in the process of falling off.

Scary face...I know....but what do you do. And yes, that is an actual boy, in real life. Not just an ambiguous figure that I stalk at the bank and church events. I went on a date. Ha and it was a pretty funny one, I'm not gonna lie. First off, lets just remember how physically coordinated I am... Then lets think of how this kid that I went on a date with kept telling me, "Well, I'm just naturally pretty talented physically," and "my body fat percent was like the lowest in our school." And let's add the fact that I was on ice! But it really was super fun and I actually kind of got the hang of it after a while.....after like an hour and a half of him pulling me around the ice:)

Oh and just to add to the awesomeness of my dating experience...

1. My mom used to babysit him when he was little and I still vividly remember him climbing the huge pine tree in front of my house. He said he had absolutely no recollection of me.

2. When he came to pick me up my sister told us that she wanted a picture of him lifting me in true figure skating manner. He replied with a "Ya, I don't think I'm even close to that strong." For real. Out loud. In front of me and my mom and sister. Ouch.

Seriously?

2010-01-16T10:33:00.000-08:00

In our culture, the loss of wisdom teeth is almost a right of passage. Once you have gone through the excruciating pain and the fat face, and for the most elect, dry sockets, you can officially say that you are no longer a child. Well lets just say, I am a freaking adult! Last Monday I went to the cute little asian's office for the removal of my childhood. When I woke up, to my great surprise, I was giggling like a four year old! Being the extreme crier that I am, I just expected to be one of the blubbering girls you see so often. NOPE! I was just laughing up a storm. Until my mom tried to get me to drink V8 Juice, I told her on no uncertain terms that I don't like tomatoes! And then had the best ice cream cone of my life. By the end of the week my face was feeling better and I could almost eat macaroni and cheese. So I go to school all week, the swelling getting less and less. The food getting more and more solid. When all of the sudden yesterday, the right side of my face is double the size it was when I got my teeth out! What the heck? Yes, I got a freaking infection and had pus leaking into my mouth!!! Not good! So now I'm on another set of drugs and I am just not very happy about the condition of my health! On top of all of that I had to get a tetanus shot and went to a really intense dance class that basically ripped every muscle in my body. I'm hoping that this long weekend will give me the chance to heal so I can walk and eat normal solid foods. And that is my excuse for not blogging in the past like month, so stop giving me crap! You know who you are!

The Last Days

2009-12-21T11:01:00.000-08:00

Me, Talysha, and Leila on the floor in our room

All the roomies!

Our reaction to our first finals week...that wasn't the face I intended to make but I am just too funny for my own good!

funny face days

The Family Photo! Notice the hand placement and posing, all we needed was a man to be the dad!

All of us with our adorable christmas gifts from Talysha!

Leila's pillow from Talysha, so cute!

My pillow from Tal. Is that not the most adorable sweetest thing ever! I cried!

Pretty face alex.

And more pretty faces.

and more.

AND MORE

Taking out the last load

Riding Otis down to the car (otis is the most lovely elevator with the most lovely smells)

loading the car :(

Dear Blog Readers,
I know, It has been freaking forever since I have updated my most wonderful blog. But hey, I've been busy! I am now officially moved back into my house (closet color coordinated and everything) and I think there are only like three bags of rice and other food that I never even attempted cooking left in my trunk. I am ever so happy to be home chilling with my family, but I will definitely miss my most lovely roommies that I left in Cedar. And the beautiful men that we stalked. So here is the photo shoot we took before we went our separate ways for Christmas break, we are excellent with the self timer!

Compare and Contrast

2009-12-03T10:27:00.000-08:00

Haha funny! Thats all, just comparing myself to a dog, pretty similar if I do say so myself! If his ears were blowing a little bit more then it would be perfect!

Oh the life of a college student!

2009-12-02T12:45:00.000-08:00

The man wall! Yes, the name explains it. A wall of men. Good looking ones. Now we already have a community man wall in the living room, but Talysha and I decided that we needed one of our own! It is right by our door so we can be in a good mood every time we leave the room! Notice the tiny picture out on its own. That area is reserved for the love of my life (and Talysha's) Mr. Detective Agent Seally Booth! True, he is old enough to be my father, but who cares! He is fine and I love him!

Talysha with the man wall. You can get a clearer view of Mr. Booth in this one. Sorry about the glare, Im not a great photographer...especially when all of these hott men are just staring at me!

Furniture Wars!! It all started with us deciding to trap our roommate Cami (aka camisol) in her room. Yes, we are funny and we didn't mean it in a rude way either so don't worry. When moving the couches back into place in the living room, Me, Talysha, and Leila decided it wouldn't be too mean to leave a nice little present in Ms. Alex Jones's room. So we moved out the rest of the furniture and left a most wonderful chair in the middle of her bedroom.

We then moved the party into mine and Talysha's room where we were just chilling. We hear some scraping on the ground and to our surprise, find that wonderful chair on Leila's bed! Haha ya pretty freakin hilarious! So then we trapped Alex in her room with it. But her and camisol retaliated by putting it in the bath tub! (which was totally my idea...copy cats!) The last move of the night, we leaned the bar stools against their bedroom doors so they would have a nice surprise when they opened their doors in the morning. Yes, it was quite a fun night and we were giggling like twelve year olds at girls camp!

Oh and one more thing!

2009-12-01T12:45:00.000-08:00

I am SO VERY GRATEFUL that Taylor Lautner brought some serious heat to New Moon! His ridiculous body and pure hottness brought me such great joy this Thanksgiving Season! Especially after Edward revealed his disease ridden chest and nipples to us, it is a dang good thing that Jacob is so smoking fine! And this is not even creepy or pedefile ish of me because he's only like a year younger than me!!

Oh how thankful I am!

2009-12-01T11:56:00.000-08:00

I know, this post is really late, but I've actually been at my house with my family so I don't feel the need to blog my anxiety all the time. I had the best thanksgiving ever! The whole Esplin clan came to our house and we ate and ate and ate pie and ate and played football and Dad's team was winning the whole time so everyone was pleasant! I love my family so much I don't know what I would do without them! On black friday I had to come back to Cedar to work, which I was not happy about at all and I had to stay the night to work Saturday morning also...again, not happy! But it wasn't all that bad, and when I got home Mike and kass and the boys were there! It was so fun to hang out with them, and Em and Josh were back from Denver which was good because I was seriously having Cru withdrawls! Anyway, I am so grateful for all that I have and all of the incredible blessings that I have had my entire life!
And here is a list of not so important things that I am really grateful for also!

Hulu: Watching TV on the computer. Sure, its not quite the same as watching it on the big screen on the comfy and broken green couch, but when your roommates are driving you crazy and your dad has deleted the last three episodes of Grey's Anatomy, TV on the computer is truly a blessing!
Ugg Boots: I have recently been introduced to this thing called snow. Now for most people this wouldn't be a cause for panic, but every time I look out my window and see the land of Narnia, my heart skips a beat. I have this fear that I will be walking up the hill to my math class and slip and fall all the way down the hill, taking out the handicapped girl that always walks behind me. Now that would not be good! BUT, Ugg boots have saved me from this nightmare happening! Not only do they keep me from eating crap, they are also incredibly soft and cushy and warm on the inside! I always thought ugg boots were code for slutty girls that wear them with mini skirts, but seriously they are my new favorite winter thing!
Jeans that fit my butt: Jean shopping. The two most dreaded words in the english language. They're right up there with pool party and judgement day. Anyway, my incredibly inproportionate body does not like to fit in jeans, but...after years of searching and crying...I have found a brand of jeans that fit my butt and thighs without gaping at the waste! Yes, they are way too expensive, and yes, they are only sold and Christiansens and are usually sold out but the time I save up enough money to go, but I now have two pairs of jeans that fit me! It is a miracle and I am so grateful to have them! Thank you to whoever invented Miss Me jeans, you just saved my life!
Shuffle Mode: Prior to moving to Cedar and driving home and back twice a week, I never really used the shuffle mode on my i-pod. It has now become my most favorite thing! I pop that thing on when I get in my car and it doesn't even seem like it takes me a whole hour to get home! Granted, I am quite good at entertaining myself with singing, but shuffle just makes it so much better because it plays those songs that you totally forget about! Yes, I have my days when I skip ever other song, but most of the time I just let it flow. I also think that my I Pod has been sending me messages, the last time I used shuffle mode, it played just about every "get out of your own head and talk to boys/ take a chance" song that I own. I'm trying to follow this wonerful advice! Wahoo for awesome songs I forget about but love to sing to!
Tweezers: I have never realized how often I really need to tweeze my eye brows until I move away and realize I don't have my own pair of tweezers. Let me tell you, there is absolutely no other way to maintain your eyebrows! I have now gotten in a pretty good system of remembering to use them when I go home. Thanks mom!
Asians: At the beginning of the semester when I realized that half of my professors were asian and I could barely understand a word they were saying, I was not so grateful. However, after getting used to their accents and learning from them, all of my little asian teachers are like the nicest people ever! They actually know my name and talk to me like they care! And they are adorable and mini sized!
Talking in Church: It was terrifying, but I feel like my testimony actually grew because I had to study and invest so much time and prayer into the gospel. It was a really rewarding fear...especially now that it's over! And of course my sister got to come and see my house and then men that I stalk, so that is always good!
Men...ridiculously good looking ones: Yes, I said it. I thoroughly enjoy staring at really cute men. I mean, I don't actually talk to most of them, and I'm sure none of them can even see me because Im freaking invisible, but it sure makes me happy to see a beautiful boy walking my way or lifting really heavy things at the gym. I am grateful that I am shallow enough to find joy in cute boys.
Sunday Night Football:When I was little, I really hated it when my dad and brothers would just sit and watch football all day, but now it is pretty much my favorite thing ever! I can't bring myself to stay in Cedar on sunday nights because I know the whole family will be watching football and chilling and having fun without me! And of course I like to catch a glimpse of Dallas Clark or Matt Leinerdt with their helmets off!
Crunchy Leaves: My favorite thing to do when I'm walking around campus in the freezing cold? Find the hugest crunchy leaves and jump on them! Oh the joy I can create for myself! Some people look at me with that "what the heck is this chick doing in college?" face, and others are like, "Oh ya, that was a cruncy one!" and want to join me!

Well that was really long but those are some of the random happy things that make me so grateful to live in this world and be the person that I am! Happy Thanksgiving like a week ago!

I got a PACKAGE!

2009-11-21T09:30:00.000-08:00

I get an email that says I have a package and to go pick it up in the post office. So on the way home from the gym I stop by. I see the most beautiful man in all of the land, who apparently is a future postal deliverer, working at the post office. I go up to the desk. Hi, I have a package. Now when talking to an amazing beauty, that is an awkward sentence! So he goes and looks around and can't find it for like ten minutes then finally he says oh, this must be it. Looks like you got some cereal. My package, beautifully wrapped in inside out christmas wrapping paper was a little bit on the torn up side. I smile thinking who is creative enough to send me mini cereals, my favorite, in wrapping paper! I should have known! My sister in law Kassie, along with some help from Brooks and Cael and of course my bro Mike sent me such an awesome Thanksgiving package I was seriously smiling the rest of the day!

My awesome drawing from Brooks, Caels is on the other side but I don't think I captured that with my camera...ooops! Don't worry it is now hanging on my bulliten board so I can look at it every day!

Mini cereals. Need I say more? I have consumed about half of them already! I LOVE CEREAL!

Christmas wrapping paper, it was inside out. I love my family and their supreme craftiness!

My face after receiving said package. If you can't tell, that is a very excited and happy face!
Thanks Mike Kass Brooks and Cael! I love you guys almost as much as I love my cereal! Haha just kidding you guys are way cooler than cereal!

You Got it Dude!

2009-11-19T10:11:00.000-08:00

The much requested talk! Brother Carlisle calls me Thursday night at approximate 6:45 and asks me to speak in church THAT SUNDAY! Like a good girl, I accepted even though it almost made me pee my pants. So I spent all of Friday night preparing a fifteen minute talk on being truly converted. Here it goes:

Off the cuff, I don't actually remember but I said something to the effect of:
Hi everyone, I'm Jessica Esplin and I have been asked to speak on being truly converted, but before I start I have two warnings for you. Number one, I have never ever spoken in church before. Not since primary. Mostly because my dad is the bishop and I told him I would say no if he asked me. So I'm really nervous so just bare with me. Warning number two, I am a crier. I just cry. All the time. When I'm feeling the spirit, when something is remotely sad, just anytime i cry. So just, be prepared.

Ok now for the real thing:
The bible dictionary states that when conversion becomes complete, it will change a natural man into a sanctified, born again, purified person- a new creature in Jesus Christ. Conversion includes a change in behavior, but it goes beyond that. It is a change in our very nature. It is such a significant change that the Lord and His prophets refer to it as a rebirth, a change in heart, and a baptism of fire.

Everyone knows the story of Enos's conversion. His father had taught him the gospel and the ways of the Lord throughout his life, but as he ponders what he had been taught, that is when his true conversion takes place. Enos vs. 3 says "and the words which I had often heard my father speak concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints, sunk deep into my hear." vs. 4 "and my soul hungered." Enos then cries unto the Father in prayer and supplication. He prays for hours that his sins may be forgiven, finally he receives a witness from God. He hears a voice that says "Enos thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed."

Elder Dale E. Miller said that conversion does not normally come all at once, even though the scriptures give us dramatic accounts. It comes in stages, until a person becomes at heart a new person. It is a change of both how we think and how we feel.

Much like Enos, I have been a member of the church my entire life. My parents and primary teachers taught me that I have a Heavenly Father who knows and loves me and that Jesus Christ died that my sins may be forgiven. This knowledge has always been a part of my life. In my high school seminary class my junior year, my teacher, Brother Leavitt, challenged us to pray and find out for ourselves whether or not the church was true. So, I went home and was very determined to pray and get my answer. I wanted an incredible witness from God, like the one Enos got. I wanted an overwhelming feeling of truth to wash over me. I wanted one experience to change my entire life. It didn't happen. I didn't see any angels or hear a voice call me by name. I continued for about a week praying each night to know that the church was true. Finally, as I was sitting there waiting for this big event, I realized that I did know that the church was true. I didn't have any doubts. I had always known. I didn't need an appearance from an angel, what I needed was to recognize my testimony and to continue in faith, obeying Christ's commandments.

(some comment about how this relates to building your faith and being converted step by step)
Poem by: Josiah Gilbert Holland
Heaven is not reached at a single bound
but we build the ladder by which we rise
from the lowly earth to the vaulted skies
and we mount its summit round by round

I count this thing to be grandly true
that a noble deed is a step toward God
lifting the soul from the common clod
to a purer air and a broader view

We rise by the things that are under feet
by what we have mastered of good and gain
by the pride deposed and the passion slain
and the vanquished ills that we hourly meet

We hope, we aspire, we resolve, we trust,
when the morning calls us to life and light
but our hearts grow weary, and ere the night
our lives are trailing the sordid dust

We hope, we resolve, we aspire, we pray
and we thing that we mount the air on wings
beyond the recall of sensual things
while our feet still cling to the heavy clay

Wings for the angels but feet for men
we may borrow the wings to find the way
we may hope, and resolve, and aspire, and pray
but our feet must rise or we fall again

Only in dreams is a ladder thrown
from the weary earth to the sapphire walls
but the dreams depart and the vision falls
and the sleeper wakes on his pillow of stone

Heaven is not reached at a single bound
but we build the ladder by which we rise
from the lowly earth to the vaulted skies
and we mount to its summit round by round

President Marion G. Romney explained, "converted implies not merely mental acceptance of Jesus and his teachings but also a motivating faith in him and his gospel. In one who is really wholly converted, desire for things contrary to the gospel of Jesus Christ has actually died. And substituted therefore is a love of God, with a fixed and controlling determination to keep his commandments." A great example of this determination are the people of King Benjamin in Mosiah. (Reach chp 5 vs 1-5) What an amazing example of being truly converted. They believed so fiercely in the truth of the gospel and it made them so purely happy.

Richard G. Scott stated that "true conversion yields the fruit of enduring happiness that can be enjoyed even when the world is in turmoil and most are anything but happy." The world is full of challenges. Each individual will have their own trials and tribulations. A big part of being converted involves letting the Spirit of the Lord into our lives to help us overcome our obstacles.

There is a story that perfectly illustrates this never failing aid given by Elder Jeffrey R Holland in last year's conference Ensign. The story begins with a young boy growing up on a large farm in Idaho. His nightly assignment was to round up the cows at milking time. Because the cows pastured in a field bordered by a big river, there was a strict household rule that during the spring flood season the children were never to go after any cows who ventured across the river. They were always to return home and seek help. On this particular day, the boys parents had promised the family a night at the movies if their chores were done on time. But when the young boy arrived at the pasture, he realized that the cows had crossed the river. With his valued movie night at stake, he ventured across the high river on the back of his horse. An adult on the horse would have been safe, but at the age of seven, the boy was two small and at times the current completely covered him. When he reached the bank on the other side, he realized he had done a terrible thing in disobeying his father's counsel and thought the only way to redeem himself was to bring the cows home safely. Maybe then his father would forgive him. Between sad sobs the boy prayed, asking for forgiveness. When he finally looked up, he saw a figure dressed in white walking towards him. He was certain it was an angel, the answer to his prayers. The familiar voice then said, "Son, I've been looking for you." In the darkness, the young boy realized that the angel was his father, he had come to save him.

(crying) God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. Nor will he, so long as time shall last. or the earth shall stand or there shall be one man or woman or child upon the face thereof to be saved. What a joy and a blessing this is in the lives of the truly converted.

So what can we do to ensure that we are converted? Elder Richard G. Scott stated, "true conversion is the fruit of faith, repentance, and consistent obedience." Faith comes by hearing the word of God and responding to it. You will receive from the Holy Ghost a confirming witness of the things you accept on faith by willingly doing them. You will be led to repent for your transgressions and errors. As a consequence, your capacity to consistently obey will be strengthened. This cycle of faith, repentance, and consistent obedience will lead you to greater conversion with its attendant blessings. Elder Scott emphasized that "it is often very hard to actually do what we clearly know we should do." However, true conversion will strengthen your capacity to do what is right, regardless of the circumstances.

Elder Robert D. Hales testified that "knowing the truth and gaining a testimony strengthen us to stay on the straight and narrow path that leads to eternal life. As testimony grows, we become more and more converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ."

Testimony! (Crying)
AMEN!

I'm glad its over. But I really wasn't as nervous as I thought I was going to be. I mean my calves were shaking at the beginning and I made a few very awkward word fumbles: you try saying capacity to consistently, not easy! And I made a weird comment about not knowing what to call where cows lived. But it seriously wasn't that bad! And a huge plus, the man of my dreams shook my hand and told me that i did good. In my head, I said I love you too! Haha outloud I think I just smiled and said I was really nervous! I'm so glad that Kristi and Derrick could come up so I had someone to make "big nervous eyes" to before I started. I love my family. And I love my church. And I LOVE the hot man in my ward. haha :)

You've Got Mail!

2009-11-14T14:01:00.000-08:00

I got a mail box at the beginning of the year. I have no idea why. No one is going to mail me a letter, I come home twice a week! Anyway I decided that I should get my mail at least once. I contemplated writing myself a letter and sending it to myself so there would definitely be something in there when I looked. But I didn't. I open my mailbox and see an envelope addressed Paxten Herman. I excitedly tear it open as I walk to my room. And this is what I see! Is that not the cutest, most adorable, day making picture ever? I seriously couldn't stop smiling it made me so happy! I love that little man! And he is probably the best little soccer player in the world! Thanks to Taisha and JJ for mailing me this little envelope of sunshine!

Awkward Encounter with a Boy!

2009-11-12T14:00:00.001-08:00

Tuesday afternoon. I walk out of the institute building and to my surprise find the beautiful man in my ward that is no longer engaged to the girl from Boston named Jessica with the FBI family, standing right in front of me. We lock eyes. He is bending into his white car, i don't know why. I give him a quick "hey" and a nervous smile and walk bouncily away. I get to the cross walk preparing to wait and bask in the beautiful sunlight when all of the sudden, he's next to me. He says hey hows it going? I don't remember what I said back. He then asked me if I worked yesterday. In my head "no why? did you see me somewhere? were you planning on stalking me at deseret book and then decided not to cause I wasn't working? you would have been right!" Out loud "ha nope," the light comes on in my head, "Did you go to FHE?" He then tells me yes and that I should have come. I explain to him that me and dodgeball just do not go well together. I don't like when people throw things at me. I can't throw far enough to get anyone out. I tell him that I did not feel like embarrassing myself in front of our entire ward. He tells me "oh, we ended up playing volleyball." My next excuse- my roommate had shoulder surgery so she can't throw. If only it had come out that way. I tried about one thousand times to pronounce "shoulder surgery." It did not happen. He finally helped me out and we thankfully finished that part of our conversation. He then went on to tell me that his grandma lived in Santa Clara, my wonderful home town, and that Lake Mead basically no longer exists and you can see the town underneath it. Creepy! We are approching the library now. I'm on his left. I don't know where he is headed but i need to go right to get to my house. I try to slow so I can go behind him. It doesn't work. We awkwardly try to cross paths. He says "see you tomorrow in business class." I give him a "WOO" with the party hands and everything and then walk away. I instantly turn red and giggle the whole way home. Yes, I am a ten year old that is scared to talk to boys. Oh well, someday a man will appreciate my intense awkwardness. Until then I will just stalk people in my ward and at banks. That works just fine for me!

The Cooking Adventures of a College Student!

2009-11-12T10:03:00.000-08:00

Leila grating some potatoes for our oh so fabulous cheesy potatoes a.k.a. funeral potatoes!

Yes, that is a potato in my hand! We actually cooked dinner, well technically it was a side dish, but we ate it as our main course. They did not turn out as good as my mom's but what can you do? Add more sour cream! Thats what we could have done!

Talysha actually found the recipe and did most of the actual making, but we were a good support system!

Pumpkin Pie! With the assistance of my beautiful homemaking mother, I made a freaking pie! From scratch! Well actually we bought the crust....and the pumpkin....but I mixed in the sugar and spice!

A really bad picture of me holding my masterpiece, my mom insisted on taking a picture of me even though I looked like crap. Well thats what you get! An ugly picture!

HALLOWEEN!!!!!

2009-11-02T14:36:00.001-08:00

Me and Talysha's family picture. Isn't our baby just lovely! Ha we have had some good pumpkin carving experiences this year!

The whole family carving pumpkins. This is very serious business at our house. Especially for Josh, he is not messing around!

The set up for the annual Halloween party! I love it! The decorations are getting better and better every year!

JJ- Captain Hook, Taisha- Tinker Bell, Paxten- Peter Pan!
Are they perfect or what? They all are like exact replica's and JJ's moustach is just so manly!

Snow White and her little flapper mommy!

Grandma Esplin seriously killed me! Dolly Parton! That is so freaking funny! Im so glad that the snow melted enough for her to come! She seriously brightens my day!

The little flapper and gangster straight from the twenties! I love it! They look so awesome and hot! Great face dad!

Kristi- Belle, Derrick- Beast! I love that she got him to be the beast to her beauty that is so funny! Her DI dress actually turned out good! Thank goodness for sisters and an incredible mom with some serious talent on the sewing machine!

Josh- Dog the Bounty Hunter, Emily- his wife, Beth Chapman (perfect that they have the same last name!) Cru- Superman! So funny! Josh's mullet! Em's wig! So freaking funny!

Ah little Kabe as Bob the Builder! I can't believe he can handle our craziness, he is so patient and nice all the time it blows my mind!

The whole clan! Decked out! We had some seriously good costumes this year!

Taisha's adorable little spider cookies!

Mom's awesome black spider cake! Love it! Ha me and mom are the only ones that like black cake.....that's strange

Monster Spaghetti!

Mummy dogs!

Creepy Eyeballs! I actually helped on those! That's rare!

All in all I have to say that our Halloween party was probably the best ever! We had so much fun, ate such good food, and we went trick or treating! Like twelve adults with Paxten and Cru ha funny stuff! I think the Goodriches and the Olivers were half expecting us to start caroling! Good times! I love Halloween! I love my family!

HHHoooowwwwl!

2009-11-01T20:37:00.000-08:00

Girls on the town! Me, Tay tay, Leila, and Camisole getting ready for the big SUU Halloween party the Howl! We took a good three hours for preparation including matching nails, eye lashes, and some new stuffing, you'll see why!

The Cool Side of the hall in our awesome costumes!

Hey Sailor! Looking good! Her shoes were seriously five inches tall, I have no idea how she walked in them but she rocked them for sure!

Oh ya, she's a chicken! Is that not the most awesome costume you have ever seen?! For someone that doesn't like Halloween that is a pretty good costume if I do say so myself! Her huge stuffed butt was my most favorite thing ever!

Snow White! Skin white as snow? check! We couldn't remember what they compared her lips to, a rose, blood? We weren't quite sure! After making some minor adjustments, and a full blown slip so I didn't look too skanktastic, I have to say that my costume actually turned out pretty well this year. I am contemplating heading for Disney Land, but that would entail me leaving my family which, lets face it, is never going to happen!

Me and Talysha rocked it out at the Howl! She thought I was a little crazy and all over the place, but I've found that you have the most fun when you just let yourself go and rock it out all over the dance floor! We jammed for two straight hours and probably burned about eighteen thousand calories! I sweated so much that I had to pin my bangs back because they were completely wet! Nasty! Speaking of nasty, I saw some of the most slutalicious costumes I have ever seen! Seriously people pulled a Mean Girls and just wore panties! It was ridiculous! There were also so male Telle Tubbies that tried to grind up on Talysha! So FUNNY!

After the howl we went back to our dorm and watched a scary movie! Well scary is a relative term. Talysha is a scardy cat so the scariest one she could handle watching was Red Eye with Rachel McAdams. Not exactly a horror film but it was really fun and I'm glad it wasn't too scary because there were no boys in sight! All in all a pretty good Halloween Eve!

I looked out the window and what did I see?

2009-10-28T14:30:00.000-07:00

SNOW!!!
I wake up reluctant to face another long day of classes and work when I enter my kitchen and find THIS out my window! Where the heck am I? Narnia? It's freaking October! I believe that it has snowed in St. George about seven times in my entire life. Never in October!

My roommate Talysha just loves snow. She has grown up with it her entire life. She is immune to the cold. She is wearing a hoodie...that is all!

After much preparation and about an hour trying to get my boots on, I finally accumulated all of my layers. A long sleeve shirt, a vest, a hoodie, and a trench coat. I was still INCREDIBLY COLD! If I'm not warm wearing that many clothes I just don't know how I'm going to make it until December! Now I have to go test my driving skills. Great. I've already warned my dad that I have to drive to work and if I wreck he has to come save me. This should be interesting...

PUmpKIns!

2009-10-26T20:04:00.001-07:00

Prettiest pumpkin on the block? I definitely think so!

Me and Talysha looking like five year olds with our pumpkins

The finished product!

For Family Home Evening tonight we carved pumpkins! First of all I would like to say that I chose the ugliest pumpkin on the face of the earth! It was all green and black and completely misshapen you can't even tell how bad it is in the pictures. I thought that the insides would be completely rotten but thankfully they weren't any nastier than every other pumpkin. I forgot how disgusting and gross the insides of a pumpkin were! They're all slimey and seriously made me want to throw up. I think I had to go wash my hands like four times! After the pumpkin carving they decided we should all play a game. They tell us that we are playing the pass the tiny little fresh picked apple with your chin! At church! So this hot guy that I have never talked to before is basically giving me a big fat bear hug and dropping an apple on my boob and I'm supposed to keep it against my chest with my chin and pass it to the next person! Let's just say I laughed really hard and loudly and turned an embarassing shade of red! It was really funny though. Like incredibly, I am the most awkward person on earth and this hot man is getting incredibly close to my face and boobs and the bishopric is watching me, funny! I love family home evening!

Happy Birthday Johnny J!!!!

2009-10-22T21:25:00.000-07:00

24! Time for some red pleather pants! Haha I love you J you are the best brother in the world! Woo for you! I hope you had the very best day ever! I don't have any pictures of your big party but I will get them soon and blog them for sure! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! YAY!

open toed shoes+30 degrees=a really long walk to institute!

2009-10-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

Yes. I went for it. I wore sandals and capris. It was 29 degrees when I left my house this morning. Not a good combination! I made it to math just fine, where I got some wonderful help from my American TA. He is so much easier to understand than my cute little asian professor! Anyway, I exit the science building and attempt to walk to the institute building all the way ACROSS campus! It was the coldest most miserable walk I have ever attempted! I tripped like five times almost hitting the sidewalk with my face at least twice! In institute we learned about listening to the promptings of the spirit. Obviously I was not listening when He told me to put some freaking real shoes on or you will freeze your butt off! Well I learned my lesson! From now on, I will just change my clothes after class before I go to St. George!

FOOTLOOSE!

2009-10-21T07:41:00.000-07:00

Alexis and Tino rocked it out! I love watching people I know perform it makes me feel so cool! Alexis's outfits were truely amazing and so legit..I'm pretty sure she got them right out of Anna Marie's closet!

Thayne! So yes he is mini...but I am a little bit shorter than him! He was amazing, I was so not expecting him to be such a good singer! The main girl was awesome and very spunky and skankalicious! I loved it!

Ah the fam! I believe it was around this time that I scared the hot man from the bank so bad that I ruined any hopes of our future together. What can I say. My family is weird alright!

Me and Em being absolutely awesome!

Posing like maniacs! Yeah...that is some serious sparkle and shine! Jazz Hands!

Footloose at Tuachon with my family was so much fun! Not only was the show amazing, and slightly Saturday's Warrior when the parents were singing, but it was just so much fun to have a night on the town! I saw the beautiful man from my bank standing in front of us in the line for treats. I had plans of semi-stalking him and going and asking a question about my account but then we were all just crazy and he was looking at me all funny, so thats the end of that! We got the yummy frozen lemonades and saw beautiful fireworks and relived the eighties! Well I guess I didn't get to relive them because I wasn't alive, but I've seen so many pictures and movies from then, I feel like I was there! The cast was so talented and my family is so funny it was probably the best night of my life. Loved it!

Woa we're halfway there.. WOAH living on a prayer!

2009-10-14T15:45:00.000-07:00

Thank you Bon Jovi for those incredibly inspiring lyrics. But seriously. I'm halfway done! Yes, I have made it through half of a semester of college away from home. Yes, I come home a minimum of twice a week. No, my classes aren't that hard. But seriously this has been some of the hardest eight weeks of my life. I am so bad at not being home in the place that I've known my entire life, and I miss it like crazy. But I've made it halfway! And with the amazing wonderful help of the Lord and all of my answered prayers, I think I can make it the rest of the way. Seriously, I have never had so many answered prayers and so many feelings of peace when I am freaking out. It is a good thing I have that help, because there is no way I could do this alone. My family thinks and knows that I am crazy and they are fine with me coming home. Even though I know they all wish that I could do this on my own. But hey, I'm not doing anything alone. I am wasting an awful lot of gas money and some seriously expensive rent to come home all the time!
This weekend is the thing that is bumming me out. My whole family gets to go up and have a Halloween party and watch Mike's football game, and I can't go because I have work on Saturday. And all of my roommates are either going home or to Vegas on vacation, and I can't go because I have work on Saturday. And I am so so so bummed. Thats the only word that can describe my feelings right now...bummed. Like I feel like a butt probably feels all the time. They just get sat on! And everybody hates theirs because it's too big or too flat! And it never looks the way you want it in jeans! That is me..just getting sat on and hated and not looking good in jeans. My family better have a lot of freaking fun to make up for the fun I am missing!

Sunday School Moment

2009-10-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

ZOMBIELAND

You know those stories they read you in sunday school, "On sunday Jane's friend invites her to go to a movie. She knows that she should keep the sabath day holy but she really wants to go to the movie and doesn't think it's that big of a deal. What should Jane do." I had that moment today. I found out that the movie my friends were going to see was rated R. I told them I didn't want to watch a rated R movie, she says well I'll just find someone to go with that doesn't care. I'm so not that person that judges people for watching rated R movies or eating out on Sunday, I really don't think it's that big of a deal. But I don't want to waste my "its not a big deal" excuse on a stupid movie like ZombieLand. Then the sunday school teacher tells you what happens. "Jane decided not to go to the movie and did something amazingly spiritual and felt so good and warm inside and now for the rest of her life she will be blessed." That is not how I feel. I'm not doing anything spiritual and I won't be getting any blessings for not going to a stupid movie. I just have nothing to do on a Saturday night. No awesome fun plans to tell the stupid kid that dumped me but still texts me all the time to complain about his busy crazy fun life...great! Stupid sunday school stories! LIES!

ha not really...but right now totally how I feel

2009-10-05T13:54:00.000-07:00

I got dumped. I got pink eye. I got a bloody nose. It was twenty six degrees.

Awesome right?...I'm sure you are all jealous.

But honestly, I'm fine. I mean yes, getting dumped by the first boy that you have actually liked, not just cause they're hot and popular, but because they make you laugh, that hurts. Its embarrassing and humiliating and it makes me cry, but that is nothing new! Yes, I will probably miss him and it will take me some time to adjust. Yes, I think it's weird that he still texts me every day. Yes, it kind of breaks my heart. But just a little bit.

A couple hours after the dumpage, mild tears, a couple prayers, and finally sleep, I wake up at four in the morning to a searing pain in my eye. Take out the contacts figuring they just irritated my eye with the crying and the tear wiping. Wake up in the morning, pink eye. Now that is going to make me feel awesome. I got dumped and now I have an oozing infection that means I can't wear make up or contacts. I ditched my last two classes and came home. My real home, not this hotel in the freezing cold in cedar, that is not home.

My family makes me feel better. They let me eat ice cream and tell me that it will be fine. I get an appointment with the eye doctor who gives me drops and says I will be good as new in a couple days. I trust him. Partly because he went to like ninety years of school. Party because he looks and acts exactly like Pilot Jake from the Bachelorette. Party because I really hope he is right. Three days later, I'm still wearing glasses but my eye no longer burns with searing pain. Three days later I made a playlist of I'm over it songs for my i-pod...and I jammed on my way back to Cedar. I might not be good as new, but I am definitely good. Maybe I'm a new kind of good that doesn't need a high school boy. Maybe someone will think I am the hottest glasses wearing girl in the world. Probably not, but reguardless, I'm good! So mom, no need to worry! Emily, please don't buy me anything, food substance or otherwise, I can't be the fat, glasses wearing, eye oozing, dumped girl that would just be sad. Kristi, thank you for the conference post, i agree with all your thoughts and now don't feel like I need to blog my own! Kassie, I expect a really funny and uplifting comment to this blog update, maybe even two! That covers all of my blog lookers so anyone else that finds this on the internet, don't show it to Eric Carter, that is just embarassing.

I can count that on my fingers!

2009-09-28T16:05:00.000-07:00

Today marks the sixth week of school for me up at SUU. That means that there are only ten more weeks left! You don't know how happy that makes me. I can do anything ten times, I can count that on my fingers! I know that I am supposed to be enjoying my journey while I am here, and I really am trying to do that. But sometimes it just seems so endless, I just keep having to leave my family and it makes me so sad. But ten weeks? Now that is manageable! Today I texted my sister Kristi, these were my exact words: "Only ten more weeks of school! Yes! You can count that on your fingers! We can totally make it!" If that's not encouraging to someone struggling through a really hard dental hygiene program, or some little baby that can't handle being away from her family, then I don't know what is. Also, who thinks it's symbolic that the only picture I could find on google of someone putting up ten fingers is of Nelson Mandela? I don't know the whole story, but I know that he went to jail for something like fifty years somewhere in Africa for speaking his mind about what was right. If he can sit in a jail cell for fifty years being completely innocent, then I can certainly handle ten more weeks at college! Ah wow the symbolism!

ps- who thinks that its sad that i learned that story about Nelson Mandela on America's Next Top Model? Ha at least I heard it somewhere, I knew that show was good for something!

HIKE!!!!

2009-09-22T16:40:00.000-07:00

Yes, it actually happened....I, ME, the girliest whiniest non nature, runner, walker, physicaler girl ever went on a hike! For family home evening!! Go ahead...let out that squeal of surprise, but dont worry I am still the same, not hike loving person! It was for family home evening.....ratio four boys to fourty girls..not like Im looking for a boy, but seriously? we were hiking! hiking for a church activity should equal boys! What if I had fallen and broken my leg? I would need a group of manly good looking men to carry me down! But anyway..my butt is soar now, but it was totally worth it. It was a beautiful view and I actually met some cool girls!

Roommates!!

2009-09-22T15:33:00.000-07:00

Leila, Mariah, and the corner of my face...in the kitchen. Leila is one of my roommate, Mariah is one of Alex's best friends...she is at our house a lot..i would pretty much consider her one of my roommates! Even though she doesn't technically live there.

Dance Party! Alex busting out some mad moves at our strobe light dance party in the living room!

Alex and Holly, another one of our not technically roommates that may as well be..jammin!

Me and Talysha...our moves aren't quite as awesome as the rest of the crazy girls..but we were jamming on the inside!

My roommates Leila, Talysha, and Alex are pretty much my only friends here in the crazy land of Cedar City..and Alex's friends. This is a shining example of us being weird...strobe light dance party at eight o'clock on a Monday night..just us..no boys! But hey, that is how I do college alright! We also made some amazing mac and cheese that night...college at its finest! I think I can most definitely handle this for another three months.
p.s.-mom just because I have fun with my roommates does not mean that I miss you any less or that I have changed my mind about coming back to Dixie. Its still really hard..especially when I'm alone. But don't worry I am actually having fun and enjoying the time that I have!

Sweaty Football Pic!

2009-09-14T19:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, I finally got it, and I was very excited! I went to the football game all by myself..ha sat by Eric's parents, who are really nice to me always, but I still feel a tiny bit nervous around... and they won so I got my sweaty football hug and pic...very important things for a young girl. And yes I know I'm actually in college and shouldn't care about high school football games, but I do! So successful weekend, I got to hang out with people I know and my family actually got home before I left! And I only had one mini-breakdown....and I had someone to comfort me...so that was awesome! Woo...positive thoughts and I can get through another week!

wow i'm a mess

2009-09-11T11:46:00.001-07:00

Weird picture choice, I know. But this is what I miss the most!

College is a very new experience for me. It makes me feel very little. It makes me really want to go home and live in my parents basement for the rest of my life. It makes me want a hug from my mommy. It makes me realize how many friends I have- that would be zero....in Cedar. It makes me realize how socially awkward I am. It makes me feel so dumb for being so scared. It makes me realize how lucky I have been my entire life. It makes me so glad that I have the best family ever. It makes me so happy that my sisters are my best friends and they already know me, so I don't have to tell them what my major is, or why i'm crying. It makes me so grateful for the gospel, and the peace that the Lord has really been trying to put into my heart...i tend to push it away with my worry panic attacks. It makes me think about all of the times I have been a complete brat to my mom, and how much i wish she were here right now. It makes me wish that I wouldn't have thought I was too good for Dixie State. It makes me cry....a lot. A lot of crying...and my roommate just looks at me and uncomfortably walks out of the room. I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to be in the same room with a crazy pants that cries twenty four seven cause she doesn't know how to make friends and she just wants her mommy. But I do. And I don't know how to fix it...my cheeks are actually getting raw from all of the tear wiping. Its like everything i've ever known has just disappeared. And I know that my family is still there and still loves me and they always will. But that doesn't make it any easier for me to walk around campus by myself and not know anyone. Its a very strange feeling. I'm a very strange person though so I guess it works. Pretty much what I'm saying is that I really wish that I could be permanently seventeen. At my house with my family, not having to work, or try to make friends, just not being alone. Watching an episode of Bones with my dad that we've both seen fourteen times but I still forget who the killer is. Reruns just aren't the same when you're alone.

Josher! It's your Birthday!

2009-09-10T13:34:00.000-07:00

Ha just so you all know, I don't actually call him Josher. That is all my Dad. I usually go for a Joshy or a Joshy Poshy combo!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSH! I love you! You are the nicest most wonderful boy in the world! I hope you have the best mid twenties birthday party in the world!

Now that looks nice! Ha such great balloon blowing skills! I love you!!!!!!
Josh have the best birthday in Miami! I can't believe you are going to Florida without me! What happened to me being in your suitcase? Haha that would have been nice! You better have some freaking fun at the beach for me! Happy B Day!

Happy Birthday My Most Wonderful Mother!!!

2009-09-10T13:09:00.000-07:00

My mom is the most amazing woman in the world! I can only hope that someday I will be half the mom, grandma, wife, and friend that she is! She is the most patient, kind, and loving person ever! I don't know what I would do without her!!!

I have no idea where we are right here, but we all look decent and that doesn't happen very often in pictures! I love my Mommy! Happy Birthday!

Yesterday we celebrated my mommy's 50th birthday! Holy Cow! Can you believe my tiny beautiful little mom is 50! It blows my mind! Im so happy I got to go down and chill with everyone! The party was amazingly decorated, thanks to Emily of course, and Taisha made the most beautiful cake ever! It was a masterpiece! And of course no one could forget Kristi's pink salad that was black! I hope that my mom enjoyed her party as much as I did! I love her so much and I hope she had the best 50th birthday party in the whole wide world! I love you mommy!

my nephew is FIVE??!!!

2009-09-06T10:40:00.000-07:00

Mini Mike??
Brooks is a hard child to explain with simple words...so i thought that I would give you a picture book of some of his greatest moments through his five years of life!!!

cutest little baby ever!! our family was very excited to welcome the first little grandbaby and we were definitely not let down!.....and you should all appreciate the fact that i actually blogged a picture of my blondeness....only for Brooks!

love the hair...very intensely playing on that weird little bike thing...

one word: jamming! this little man can liven up any party or event with his mad dance skills...just ask him to do Michael Jackson

hiiiii yaaa! yes that is a karate noise...probably the exact one that came from Brooks' mouth at this very moment in time! mad skill...with the kicking!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROOKSIE!!!!! I FREAKIN LOVE YOU!!!!
you are an amazing little ball of energy and craziness and i think that your first five years of life have been pretty darn successful!!!

COLLEGE!!!!

2009-09-02T13:27:00.000-07:00

My awesome desk with my funny pictures and inspirational quotes...my side of the room is very bland compared to my roommates rainbowness...ha but its okay i like my side just fine!

My adorable bed that I have not fallen off of yet! ha but i do kick my window occasionally..usually its on accident...sometimes its cause im super bugged with the volleyball players screaming outside my window at one in the morning!

My roommie Talysha...slightly caught off guard by my picture taking early in the morning

The first day of school!!!!!!!

So..I have made it a week and a half in college....im still not exactly sure what im doing here...but its getting a little bit easier being away from my family. I actually consumed vegetables and meat yesterday...so that is better than my strictly sandwiches and instant pasta diet that I had the first week of school. I actually have a couple friends in my math class...mostly because they laugh at my stupid comments because I am the dumb kid! But whatever...I will take what I can get! Im still not sure why I decided I wanted to live away from home...and I might change my mind come next fall and be back in the STG at least for a couple more years! Ha I guess we will just have to wait and see! I dont cry as much as I used to...which is good...im sure my mom will be proud! For now I just look forward to weekends and the occasional weekday birthday party so I can come home and see my family!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAISHA!!!!!!

2009-08-30T11:06:00.000-07:00

Woo! Taisha is 22!!!!
It seems like just yesterday we were introducing Taisha into our beautiful and harmonious Happy Birthday singing...and it's been a full year! Although her birthday poster was not quite as awesome as last years, the birthday breakfast was a great idea!! I think that should be a new tradition! Who doesn't want pancakes and doughnut cake??? Taisha we love you and I am so happy to have you in our family!! Happy Birthday!!!

CRU!

2009-08-27T15:15:00.001-07:00

Ah my littlest nephew is turning ONE! It seems like just yesterday he was being popped out way too early and tini wini! Now he is a big old one year old that can crawl and rip out their favorite aunt's contacts! Ha no hard feelings little man. I am very excited for his pool party birthday and hopefully he really liked my singing message today! Woo! Birthday Shout Out!!!

My Crazy Cooky Lovely Happy Wonderful Family!

2009-08-25T16:45:00.000-07:00

Oh my lovely parents Yoli and Larence....and people wonder where we got it from?!

Kristi Kay...my tiny freaky married sister left me....im not sure how i feel about it

Mike, Kass, Brooks and Cael...i think about ninety percent of the worlds personality resides in this wonderfully crazy family!

I believe that their faces tell you everything that you need to know...sweet little Taisha...uh screaming crazy JJ!

Paxtonian! He gets a shout out cause he likes to chill and play Lego's with me... im not cool or tough enough to take a picture with my other nephews..

Joshy, Lion Heart and Cru! ha looking deceivingly normal in this picture! You aren't fooling anyone!